By: Mary Moussa Rogers
Enthusiasm
Interdependence suggests people in close relationships rely on one another for support in both times of strife and times of celebration. In a study conducted by Woods and colleagues (2015) they assessed whether training responses to capitalization, or seeking someone to share your good news with, improved relationship quality. Partners who were either close friends or in a relationship were paired and received training in responding to capitalization attempts. A comparison group were instructed to share in common interests, such as television. They had participants keep an online log of how much they were using their intervention and had them report on their relationship satisfaction and gratitude after 4 weeks (Woods et al., 2015). They found that the group who was taught to respond to shared good news received more gratitude from their partners and thought their partners seemed happier with their relationship. However, neither partners’ actual relationship satisfaction increased. Although it seemed to the participants that using their new skills was improving their relationship for the other partner, the report on relationship satisfaction did not increase. The authors suggested it may be that 4 weeks wasn’t long enough to see an actual effect on their relationship satisfaction, but it may also be that enthusiasm for another’s happiness isn’t what is needed to maintain a relationship (Woods et al., 2015).
If Hollywood is to be believed, a healthy sex life is integral to maintaining a healthy marital relationship. Research suggests that sexual intimacy with regard to relationship maintenance is most important when the relationship is in a vulnerable state (Birnbaum & Finkel, 2015). Sex is particularly important at the beginning of a relationship, when a relationship is experiencing problems, or when partners need sexual intimacy in order to make up for some other part of the relationship that is lacking. At the beginning of a relationship sexual desire can be a determinant for whether one partner wishes to seek a deeper relationship with the other partner (Birnbaum & Finkel, 2015). Sexual intimacy is particularly important for attachment, as it seems couples are able to use sex to reduce any insecurities that may exist. Although sexual intimacy plays a clear role in aiding relationship development, it may be more important to focus on other aspects of a relationship if it is clear other vulnerabilities need to be addressed.
Maintaining close relationships can be difficult, particularly marital relationships as there are a lot of social norms and expectations of a married couple. Many people do not realize how much their communities impact their relationships, family and friends in particular seem to have a lasting effect on partner selection, and maintenance of a relationship is much easier when friends and family are on board with who you are interested in (Fiske, 2009). The science of relationships is relatively young, but a recent review conducted by Finkel, Simpson, & Eastwick (2017), suggests that there are 14 core principles across the current theories of relationship science (click here for link to article). Although there are many theories of close relationships that include many of the concepts addressed above as well as others such as commitment and satisfaction, love seems to be left to the wayside (Rusbult, Agnew, & Arriga, 2012). Romantic love, according to social psychology, is characterized by mutual respect, compassion, attachment, trust, intimacy, and sexual attraction (Finkel, Simpson, & Eastwick, 2017; Rubin, 1970). Other studies show that there are several areas of the brain associated with reward and motivation that predict long term stability of a relationship (Xu et al., 2012).
While many theories of close relationships include aspects of love, many don’t address it; in addition, there is not one integrated theory of close relationships that shows the factors that play a role from beginning to either termination of a relationship or maintenance. Although theories of close relationships typically separate factors that play into relationship termination and maintenance, the evidence seems to suggest that many of the factors of maintenance are inversely related to termination (Finkel, Simpson, & Eastwick, 2017). For example, high levels of gratitude are associated with higher levels of relationship success, while low levels of gratitude predict higher levels of relationship termination. Furthermore, some aspects of maintenance may be harmful if the relationship includes some aspect of interpersonal violence or abuse. Many of the maintenance factors can also help couples deal with outside stressors such as in-laws or financial burdens. For couples who want to take matters into their own hands, looking into the research on relationships may suit you better than listening to what romantic comedies tell you about how to make a relationship success (see here for more info on relationship maintenance).
References
- Birnbaum, G. E., & Finkel, E. J. (2015). The magnetism that holds us together: Sexuality and relationship maintenance across relationship development. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1, 29-33.
- Finkel, E. J., Simpson, J. A., & Eastwick, P. W. (2017). The Psychology of Close Relationships: Fourteen Core Principles. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 383-411.
- Fiske, S. T. (2014). Social Beings: Core Motives in Social Psychology (3rd edition). Hoboken,NJ:Wiley.
- Xu, X., Brown, L., Aron, A., Cao, G., Feng, T., Acevedo, B., & Weng, X. (2012). Regional brain activity during early-stage intense romantic love predicted relationship outcomes after 40 months: An fMRI assessment. Neuroscience letters, 526(1), 33-38.