by: Hailey ripple
What Evolution Says
Evolutionary factors appear to be at the base of what attracts us to another person and results in what may be considered more primal instincts. It has been hypothesized that women are more likely to be choosy when it comes to selecting a partner than men (Fiske, 2014). Specifically, women look for a man who can provide resources for them and for offspring, while men are more focused on physical attractiveness. An example would be a man who is more interested in a younger woman (more time for reproductive opportunities) and a woman who is interested in an older man (likely to have accumulated more resources). In this case, age is the evolutionary cue for selecting a partner. Other examples of evolutionary variables that may have effects on attraction include menstrual cycles, hormones (testosterone, estrogen), and body shape – something about each of these things sends signals that we may not even be aware of (Discovery Channel, 2009).
Another more subtle sign of attraction may include certain behaviors a person engages in to let you know they’re interested. In terms of behavior, things such as walking, tone of voice, eye contact, talking distance, and posture (Fiske, 2014) can all play a role in attraction. Behavioral factors provide us with visual cues and clues as to who may be interested in us as a potential partner. For example, one study found that when unknown individuals are assigned to look make eye contact for a certain period of time, they report higher feelings of affection and respect than in control conditions. Further, how close you get to someone when speaking or the positioning of your body (facing the person or leaning in) can indicate attraction.
Right Time, Right Place
Like evolution, some variables related to attraction may be out of our control. Research has indicated that although individuals are able to identify characteristics that they would value in a potential partner when asked, these characteristics often end up playing a rather small role in interest in potential partners in real life situations (Eastwick & Finkel, 2008; Lehmiller, 2015). Researchers suggest that while we are often able to relay what we believe we would want in a potential partner, often, real life situations can influence our judgement and result in different choices than we expected to make. To further influence the “right time, right place” theory of attraction, Fiske (2014) discusses how frequency of exposure to a person and physical proximity to a person can increase attraction to an individual. Another situational factor that typically increases how attractive we find another person to be is adrenaline or engaging in an exciting or fear-inducing activity (Meston & Frohlich, 2003). This research indicates that there are certain environmental and situational factors that can influence our attraction to others.
Another potential variable includes the opinions of those you like or respect, such as friends and parents. In fact, friends and family can play a large role in relationship initiation through a variety of routes including introductions, offering opinions, and assisting in communication between potential partners. Further, having your social network support your choice in a relationship or partner is positively related to relationship satisfaction and stability, commitment in varying levels of relationships (dating/married), and feelings of love (Wright & Sinclair, 2012). Results from one study conducted by Wright and Sinclair (2012) indicated that approval rather than disapproval mattered more when deciding how much someone liked a potential partner. Also, opinions of friends were held in higher regard than those of parents, but only if that person did not count on their parent for some kind of support. Therefore, not only are your own preferences determining who your attracted to, but opinions of others have the opportunity to sway our opinion as well.
Conclusion
Based on the research, I feel that real life situations play a larger role and ultimately carry more weight than evolutionary factors. Research has indicated that although we may be able to talk about what we want in a potential partner, when it comes down to actually acting on the initiation of a relationship, the unique variables of specific situations can quickly overshadow perceived desired characteristics in a potential partner (Eastwick & Finkel, 2008; Lehmiller, 2015). Depending on the context in which we meet an individual, we may not even be aware they possess those desired characteristics. For example, someone who may posess all the qualities of my “dream man”, but if the only time I meet or interact with him is when he is being an obnoxious drunk person at the bar, I may never have the opportunity to discover that. Overall, many variables can determine whether we are attracted to someone or not. However, the variables I consider to carry the most weight are those environmental or contextual variables, such as where and when.
References
- Discovery Channel [Username]. (2009). Female Copulance. [Video File}. Retrieved from http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/other-shows/videos/other-shows-science-of-sex-appeal-videos/
- Discovery Channel [Username]. (2009). Shapely Figures. [Video File}. Retrieved from http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/other-shows/videos/other-shows-science-of-sex-appeal-videos/
- Discovery Channel [Username]. (2009). Voices on Estrogen. [Video File}. Retrieved from http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/other-shows/videos/other-shows-science-of-sex-appeal-videos/
- Eastwick, P. W. & Finkel, E. J. (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245-264.
- Fiske, S. T. (2014). Social Beings: Core Motives in Social Psychology (3rd edition). Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.
- Lehmiller, J. J. (2015, February 16). Do we actually know what we desire in a romantic partner? [Blog Post]. Retrieved from http://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2015/2/13/do-we-actually-know-what-we-desire-in-a-romantic-partner
- Wright, B. L. & Sinclair, H. C. (2012). Pulling the strings: effects of friend and parent opinions on dating choices. Personal Relationships, 19(4), 743-758.