By: amanda cosgriff
The story described above, perfectly describes some of the characteristics that moved from attraction to a relationship. Although attraction is needed to initiate a relationship, social psychologists have yet to pinpoint what exactly the ingredients are to the attraction of an individual. For example, research has suggested attraction is biological, situational, and up to the individual. Is there a multiple choice test specifically pinpointing the physical, emotional and social characteristics I seek in a mate? Is attraction to an individual purely situational, or is it solely up to the individual? I confidently say the characteristics I perceived as important in a mate do not 100% match up to the characteristics of the guy from the story. As we will see, there are many variables that play into our attraction to another person, some of these variables will be discussed here.
Attraction
Attraction, by definition, is the desire for a voluntary relationship that is sustained due to the enjoyment shared between the two individuals (Fiske, 2014). Attraction serves as the core social motive of belonging, and plays an important role behind initiating potential relationships. Fiske (2014) describes five fundamental ingredients for attraction: reciprocity, proximity, familiarity, similarity, and attraction. One ingredient involves the initial exposure to an individual and the effect it has on someone. Fiske (2014) indicates individuals who form an initial negative impression are typically avoided by the other person resulting experiencing low exposure to that person. In the opening story, a negative first impression was made therefore initiating my avoidance. The mere exposure effect suggests that repeated exposure to an individual enhances neutral or positive feelings of that individual, which is what occurred when my initial impression was found incorrect.
Hot or Not?
Physical attractiveness has been stigmatized in the media as the drive behind attractiveness. Although not fully grounded in research, the creators of OKCupid conducted a series of three experiments to see how much a picture or suggestion influenced a user’s likelihood to engage in a conversation with the other person. In one experiment, OKCupid removed user’s pictures and discovered users were more likely to respond to conversation and have deeper conversation, and exchange contact information more quickly. However, when the user’s pictures were restored there was a significant decrease in conversation exchange between users. This suggests that physical attraction does play a role in attraction, however, this initial attraction is short lived and other characteristics are needed to sustain this attraction.
Research has suggested we are not good at predicting the characteristics we desire in a mate. In fact, my predictions of desired characteristics in a mate were wrong. Previous research suggests we are not good at identifying what truly attracts us to a potential partner (e.g., Eastwick & Finkle, 2008). know what they want in a potential partner. Participants in this study participated in a speed-dating activity where they filled out questionnaires before participating in speed dating. Based on the information participants filled out, males placed an emphasis on women’s physical attractiveness and women placed an emphasis on men’s status and resources. However, it was discovered participant’s perceived attracted characteristics did not align with the individuals they chose at the end of speed dating. Although males and females indicated a difference in desired characteristics, previous studies (e.g., Carmalt, Cawley, Joyner, & Sobal, 2008) suggests there are no significant gender differences. These results provide supporting evidence that individual’s perceived characteristics in a mate are not always correct.
Opinion of Others
Other research has suggested that the opinion of others is very resourceful, especially during the initiation of a relationship (Wright & Sinclair, 2012). This study showed that friend’s opinions are considered more valuable than parent’s opinions of a possible relationship. However, friend’s opinions are the strongest when individuals do not rely on their parents for resources (e.g., money, support). Results of this study found that individuals who relied heavily on their friend’s opinion and were given approval were more likely to extend a positive reaction to an interested individual. However, if a friend does not approve, the individual is likely to see the other as neutral, which is what occurred in the story above.
In conclusion, there are many variables that affect our attraction towards another person. For example, some variables such as fear (e.g., Meston & Frohlich, 2003), smell (e.g., Herz & Inzlicht, 2002), exposure, reciprocity, opinions of others and looks help make up whether or not we find someone attractive. Previous research (e.g., Stewart-Williams, 2013) has also suggested that attraction is biologically programmed. For example, we are capable of detecting individuals who could be related to us, or have good genes (Grammer, Fink & Neave 2005; Herz & Inzlicht, 2002). While all these variables are important in initiating attraction and liking of an individual, it boils down to individual choices. I believe all the variables discussed, and more are required to spark the initial attraction, however, whether or not one acts on it is up to the individual.
References
- Carmalt, J. H., Cawley, J., Joyner, K., & Sobal, J. (2008). Body weight and matching with a physically attractive romantic partner. Journal of Marriage and Family, 70, 1287-1296.
- Fiske, S. (2014). Attraction: Initiation Romance, Friendship, and Other Relationships. In Social Beings, Core Motives in Social Psychology, 273-297.
- Grammer, K., Fink, B., & Neave, N. (2005). Human pheromones and sexual attraction. European Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology and Reproductive Biology, 118, 135-142.
- Herz, R. S., & Inzlicht, M. (2002). Sex differences in response to physical and social factors involved in human mate selection: The importance of smell for women. Evolution and Human Behavior, 22, 359-364.
- Meston, C. M., & Frohlich, F. (2003). Love at first fright: Partner salience moderates roller-coaster-induced excitation transfer. Archives of sexual behavior, 32(6), 537-544.
- Rudder, C. (2014, July 27). We experiment on human beings! [Blog Post]. Retrieved from: https://theblog.okcupid.com/we-experiment-on-human-beings-5dd9fe280cd5.
- Wright, B. L., & Sinclair, H. C. (2012). Pulling the strings: Effects of friend and parent opinions on dating choices. Personal Relationships, DOI: 10.1111/j.1475-6811.2011.01390.x.