By: hailey ripple
Due to the fact the human beings are highly social creatures, it is no surprise that we are extremely responsive to the way others feel about us (Richman & Leary, 2009). There has been an extensive line of research that examines how people’s evaluations or feelings about us can affect our behavior. While research in this area is vast, several problems have been identified across this topic area. Often, while researchers are investigating the effects of rejection, the construct is broken down into more narrow experiences of rejection, such as ostracism, exclusion, discrimination, bullying, etc. (Richman & Leary, 2009). This makes it difficult to compare studies that are technically examining different kinds of rejection. Currently, there is no comprehensive understanding of all consequences associated with negative interpersonal events. In fact, there are inconsistencies in findings of studies on negative interpersonal events that make it difficult to develop a general framework for this research to take place under. However, it does appear that at the base of all negative interpersonal events is threat to relational value. In general, it appears that the most common description of how a person feels after experiencing a negative social interaction is having their feelings hurt. Richman & Leary (2009) state that research has shown that this assertion of having “hurt feelings” has been described as feeling neglected, unwanted, misunderstood, agony, lower self-esteem, and suffering – which are all fairly strong descriptors.
To what extent can the threat to relational value affect our behavior? Richman and Leary (2009) suggest that there are three sets of motives that follow rejection and have the possibility to result in competing behaviors. First, people will often experience an increased need for social connections. Second, the individuals will often feel motivated to defend themselves or hurt the person who rejected them. Lastly, in an effort to avoid future rejection, individuals may remove or withdraw themselves from social situations. These three motives may occur at the same time, which makes it easy to understand how these motives can cause a confusing combination of behaviors. Researchers also point out other variables that may influence the likelihood of engaging in pro-social or more aggressive behaviors following rejection such as their evaluation of whether or not the rejection was fair, expectations of relationship repair, how much they value the relationship, and potential cost of the rejection. Another perception or feeling that may determine how a person reacts to rejection is relational mobility, or the degree to which an individual is afforded the opportunity to develop new relationships (Lou & Li, 2017).
While Richman and Leary (2009) make it clear that rejection can cause us to react in either prosocial or aggressive ways, there may be more specific ways that rejection or the possibility of rejection can influence our behavior. For example, individuals will engage in certain behaviors to prevent or avoid rejection such as spending money on items that they may not want or care about (i.e. products symbolic of group membership, foods others like, illegal drugs) and form congruent attitudes if it meant their chances of social connection would increase (Mead, Baumeister, Stillman, Rawn, & Vohs, 2010; DeWall, 2010). Further, it has been found that rejection does not have to be direct to produce adverse affects. Baumeister and colleagues found that individuals exposed to social rejection, or the possibility of it, were less capable of engaging in self-regulation in a variety of tasks (i.e. eating, focus, perseverance on a difficult task). Twenge, Catanese, and Baumesiter (2002) found that individuals told they would end up alone later in life were more likely to engage in self-defeating behavior, take irrational risks, engage in unhealthy behaviors, and procrastinate important tasks. Lastly, the most concerning finding has been the link between rejection and aggression. Aggression could be viewed as either social or physical aggression. Specifically, it has been found that narcissistic individuals (Campbell, 2003) and those who appear to be more sensitive to rejection and have a history of alienation (Association for Psychological Science, 2010) have an increased likelihood of engaging in aggressive behaviors following rejection. This research indicates that while rejection has implications for our behavior in a broad sense (prosocial vs. aggressive), it can also affect more specific social behaviors.
So, What’s the Connection?
So, why do people react one way to rejection on one occasion, and completely differently the next? Overall, results indicate that a person’s likelihood of engaging in one behavior over another is dependent on a multitude of variables. These variables could include closeness of relationship, perception of relationship repair, relational mobility, and potentially cultural differences. For example, if you are close with the person who rejected you and have a feeling that your relationship can be repaired, you are much more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors following rejection. However, if the same scenario occurs but you do not feel that the relationship is repairable, you may lash out in more aggressive ways than you would if you felt the relationship could be repaired. Therefore, current research indicates that your reaction to rejection is largely dependent on that specific situation and the interaction of a multitude of variables.
References
- Association for Psychological Science. (2010, October 9). Alienated youths are more likely to lash out, study finds. ScienceDaily. Retrieved March 7, 2017 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/10/101008162700.htm
- Baumeister, R. F., DeWall, C. N., Ciarocco, N. J., & Twenge, J. M. (2005). Social exclusion impairs self-regulation. Attitudes and Social Cognition, 88(4), 589-604.
- DeWall, C. N. (2010). Forming a basis for acceptance: excluded people from attitudes to agree with potential affiliates. Social Influence, 5(4), 245-260.
- Lou, N. M. & Li, L. M. W. (2017). Interpersonal relationship mindsets and rejection sensitivity across cultures: the role of relational mobility. Personality and Individual Differences, 108, 200-206.
- Mead, N. L., Baumeister, R. F., Stillman, T. F., Rawn, C. D., & Vohs, K. D. (2010). Social exclusion causes people to spend and consume strategically in the service of affiliation. Journal of Consumer Research, 37(5), 902-919.
- Richman, L. S. & Leary, M. R. (2009). Reactions to discrimination, stigmatization, ostracism, and other forms of interpersonal rejection: a multimotive model. Psychological Review, 116(2), 365-383.
- Twenge, J. M., Catanese, K. R., & Baumeister, R. F. (2002). Social exclusion causes self-defeating behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(3), 606-615.